I am always learning new and exciting things about myself. Recently I learned that not all of the decisions I make will lead down a disasterous road. Everyday I’m learning to trust myself more and doubt my abilities a little less. I can’t begin
to tell you how awesome this revoluation feels to me, because as I post this, there are tears of happiness. I haven’t felt this good in a long time and I think I deserve to be this happy 24/7.

When I allow myself to actually reflect on my past I think the one regret I will always have is allowing myself to believe that I wouldn’t amount to anything. I’m still in the process of proving myself wrong. As I get closer and closer to actually starting college I think of some other mountain I want to climb. I get excited about all the things that I can accomplish in my life, because for the first time ever I really believe that I can.

Things have been a little chaotic in my home lately. The fighting between the hub and I has started up again, leaving me feeling more inadequate than ever before. I just want to live a comfortable and peaceful life. I don’t understand why that’s so hard to do. I’m making all the change that I can, and I still can’t erase the drama that surrounds me.  I’m still waiting to exhale.

Aside from going to school, I’ve decided to make other changes in my life. It’s come to my attention that my eating habits mimic that of an 15 year old boy. I didn’t think it was all that bad, until I looked down and realized that I can’t see the tip of my toes. There is this thing in the way called my gut and it’s quite disgusting. Yea, I’m sure you wanted to know that, sorry. But it gets worse. I took a good long look at myself in the mirror and was surprised to see that my once flawless skin has become discolored and reminds me of sand paper. No good people. Where did my youth go? What happened to the times where I could go out without makeup? Or when I could literally eat whatever was in front of me and have it take a good year to gain a pound. Oh life is just not fair to me.

It okay though, the first step towards recovery is admission…I suppose you’re waiting on me to do just that huh? Okay, I’m a snacker and I have a problem. I will eat the remainder of my childs nutter butters, when I go into the kitchen to get a glass of water I pick up a fruit rollup instead. Yea, I’m a snacker alright. There’s free pop for us at work and I take full advantage of that luxury. So much so that the rest of my co-workers don’t touch the mountain dew.

Now that all of that is out of the way. I’m calling the gym, like now. As I type this there’s the horrible elevator music (thank goodness for Ipods!)and waiting for the bubble 20 something with no kids, rock hard abs, and boyfriend who looks like John Cena (my other love)to get back on the phone and set up my consultation. Hmmm…you know, I really don’t like the gym, there’s just to many non fat people there. I’d feel more comfortable if there were more fat people like me on the treadmill.